Licking the Spoon

There are some days when I find myself thinking.... "Am I getting all that I can out of today?" Truthfully, I don't know if I can ever truly know the answer to that question, but I do know that there is nothing more satisfying than going to bed at night thinking that I got the best of every situation, found the good in every nook and cranny, and made my lemons into lemonade (or sometimes just enjoyed the delicious lemonade that came pre-made!)

I had some bananas that were a little overripe so I decided to make banana bread today. With milk chocolate chips. YUM. Not exactly within my "healthy eating" plan, but I'll just have a couple pieces and then make Hubby take it to work :) One thing I have tried to stop myself from doing over the years, but decided that it's not worth it to battle with myself over it, is licking the spoon (and depending on how sweet deprived I am, sometimes the entire bowl). In all honesty, I think licking the spoon has become one of my favorite things about baking/cooking/whatever. Taking that minute or two to really lick all of the gooey goodness from the spoon and having nothing else to think about but that is really something special. I know, I sound so dumb right now, but I don't care! 

As I was licking my spoon (or in this case my spatula) I was thinking about how a lot of times we miss the opportunity to "lick the spoon" in our lives. How many wonderful moments, big or small, pass by without us truly savoring them and getting all that we can out of them? Usually the bigger moments we focus on making sure we get all that we can, but what about the small things? What about those moments when the unexpected goodness just pops out of nowhere? Do you take time to enjoy it? Do you lick every last morsel from the spoon? I know that sometimes I don't. 

Picture via mytworoads.com

Thinking back over the past year and almost a half that I have had with my amazing Hubby, all of the "big moments" are truly amazing and I treasure every last one of them... but there are little moments, unexpected moments of goodness, that make me so glad I took time to lick the spoon. Times like cuddling during a rainstorm and listening to the rain, or having a giant restling match/tickle fight on the floor, or laying on our backs while Brandon patiently tries to teach me Spanish, or those gentle moments when we look into each other's eyes and feel the same way we did when we were married in the temple. Or things with my sisters like Chloe coming to me for comfort after a bad day and sitting on my lap and letting me cuddle her (something she hasn't done in a VERY long time), sitting on the couch and listening to amazing Caitlin sing and play her guitar, or laughing so hard I cry with Caitlin and my Mom at 2:00 in the morning as we're helping Caitlin finish some homework. None of those moments were planned. None of them were expected. But they are some of the most precious moments to me in the world. 

There are opportunities everywhere, everyday, in which we are given the opportunity to lick the spoon, to slow down and enjoy something small. Those moments pass so quickly, but the simple, pure joy they bring is some of the sweetest stuff you'll ever get your hands on.

Decisions Decisions

Ok friends- I'm getting new head shots done and I am struggling with how I should do my hair. I know, sounds so trivial, but it kinda isn't. I want my head shot to be the best version of me, the most marketable version of me, a professional version of me, and the most me version of me. Does that make sense? So here it goes:

WHAT IS YOUR VOTE? Naturally Curly? Or Curling Iron Curly?

NATURALLY CURLY

CURLING IRON CURLY

So? What is your vote??? 

Gotta get it out.

Ok, so I'm generally not a negative person. I mean, everyone has their moments of negativity, but I generally try to not let it filter out into the world. But sometimes, you just gotta get it out. I just have to get rid of this, express how I am feeling and my frustrations and let them go. So, if you are not wanting to get a blast of "slightly less perky than usual" then I will be in no way offended if you just stop reading right now.

Here it goes:

- I feel fat and I hate it. I just can't seem to make myself go to the gym, even though I need to and I want to. I just hate feeling like this, and even though I have made progress and am still trying and working hard, I feel like it is taking forever (cause it is) and that I'm just back to where I started when I initially wanted to lose weight before I got married (because I am).

- I have an extremely thin counter part in South Pacific with whom I have to share some costumes. I love her so freaking much. She is amazing. But it is a little hard for me to see the costumes on her, and then see them on me... Particularly our pink party dress... Definitely cuter on her... Cause she doesn't have to squeeze herself into it like a sausage.

- Eating healthy is expensive. Gah! All I want is to buy things that God put on this earth for us to eat for a relatively decent price. Make me pay a lot for the processed foods. At least I understand that.

- I constantly have serious bloating and stuff. I have stomach issues and that is the reason why, but there is nothing really that I can do for it. Which sucks.

- If one more person says "Are you pregnant?" or "You're probably pregnant" or "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" I will punch them. I'm not kidding. STOP IT.

- My throat has kind of been hurting. Perfect timing, no? My show opens in a week and my throat is hurting. Yayyy.....

- Sometimes I feel like I am a horrible person. And this post is definitely convincing everyone in the world that I am a great person... right? Ha.

- I feel as if I have absolutely no will power these days. To do anything. School. Homework. Going to the gym. Eating healthy (Food is so powerful.... I love it so much... everything about it... uhhhg. I'm weird).

- My brain is so full of stuff that I don't know which thing I should be focusing on. And it's kind of like I can't make a schedule for it because they are all things that can't really be put to a schedule.... Does that make any sense? Probably not.

- I can not wait for this week to be over. I am just praying that I will pass my German test... I am not built for foreign languages. AT ALL.

- Taxes are due next week.... and of course we decided to put it off till the very last possible minute. I severely dislike some aspects of being a grownup... Seriously. Like, bills? And taxes? Really?

- Also, I need to find a job (I know, join the club). How is it that life costs so much? Living couldn't have been this expensive back in the day... But I guess it was, just in a different way. Or something.

Ok, well... now that I have severely increased the amount of negativity in the world, I will apologize and add some positivity to the world as well.

- I love spring time. The flowers in my yard have started to bud and bloom and it makes me so happy every time I look at them. Our pear and nectarine trees have blossoms on them and they are so beautiful and happy too. I also don't mind the fact that it has been bouncing between gorgeously sunny and warm days and slightly cloudy rainy seattle-esque days. I love both of those kinds of days. Especially when the latter one only comes around every now and then. It makes it more enjoyable.

- I have a great husband. He is the light of my life. Seriously, I have no idea what I would do without him. I just am so glad that he puts up with me.

- I am learning so much at school. About myself, about what I am capable of, about using what I have been given.

- There is a peace that comes with deciding to go for everything you have always wanted. There is something so soothing about not letting yourself give up on your dreams, about believing that they can really happen. And there is something empowering about believing you can do it, no matter what anyone else says. Yes it is going to be hard work, but everything worth having has always taken a lot of hard work.

- I love South Pacific. Seriously. I love it. I love the people, I love the show, I love the music, I love the characters, I love the director, I love the venue, I love my costumes, I LOVE EVERYTHING about it. I just wish that I could present myself (physically) on stage the way I want to. But never mind that! This is positive!

- I have discovered the joy of spinach smoothies. Sounds disgusting I know, but spinach kind of takes the flavor of whatever you blend it up with, so you can't even taste it when it's blended up with some strawberries and greek yogurt! And it's packed with nutrients! I really love them, and am planning to make some more :)

- Sleep is so good. Though I haven't been getting much of it lately, the semester is almost over, and I will be able to SLEEP! YAAAAY!

- I love my sister. She is the best girlfriend I will ever have. She is such a good listener and always knows what to say to make me feel better. That is a skill :) I have never known such a sincerely kind and beautiful person, inside and out. She means so much to me, and if I could make every dream she has come true, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I know she has the talent, will, and strength to get where she wants to go. And when she gets there, I will always be there to back her up. I love her so much.

- I am so blessed. Seriously. There are so many things that I am so extremely grateful for and blessed with. I just need to remember that and continue to live this amazing life I have been given to the fullest.

Ramble Ramble

Haven't written a post in a few days, and I don't necessarily have one specific thing to write about... I think that is a common occurrence for people like me who have a billion things going on at once. It is a little difficult to have just one thing to write about when there are soooo many things going on! So here is yet another post that includes some random ramblings :)

• I have said it before, and I will say it again and again and again: I have the best husband ever. SERIOUSLY. He is such a sweet guy and I know he always has my back. He surprised me at my photo call for Tartuffe by coming in before he picked up the car and saying hi. It was so nice to see him, especially cause I thought that I wasn't going to see him until after the show the next day (I know, crazy huh!?). He is just so awesome. He is also so very patient with me. I am pretty sure that I can be a little insane, and somewhat hard to handle sometimes, but he always puts up with me and does it with a smile on his face. He also works SO HARD for our little family. I am so grateful for him.

• Along with this whole "I LOVE MY HUSBAND" thing, I bought a book the other day. I don't know if I already wrote about his book, but it's called "Love Dare" and I really like it. It hasn't taught me anything that I didn't already know yet (But I am only 4 dares in... so I'm sure they're starting out simple and will progress....) but it is really good to be reminded of the kind of attitude I should have and the things I should be doing to show my husband that I really love him and to make our marriage strong. It's so interesting that the simple little things really do make all the difference.

• Brandon does the KWCR Weber Radio 88.1 "Late Late Late Late Late Late Show" every Friday morning with Dylan Allred and this other guy named Nick... Cannot remember his last name... But anyway, I go with him at 7:00 in the morning so that I can sit outside the radio station and listen. Honestly, I love it. I love watching Brandon do what he loves and have fun with the guys. I also have a good times listening to them cause they can be pretty funny. It's a good time :)

• The weeks have been going by so... weirdly (for lack of better word) lately. By "weirdly" I mean that on Monday I feel like the week is going to laugh forever... Tuesday generally feels that way too. And then all of the sudden, BAM! It's Friday. It's Friday today and I am seriously looking back on my week thinking, where did it go? But at the beginning of the week I though it would NEVER end. So weird. I have only ever experienced the whole week going by fast, or the whole week going by slow. Never both. Hm.

• Tartuffe has been a good experience. I have enjoyed being in this show and being able to grow through this process. I have also loved playing this character and wearing my AMAZING costume. Seriously, that dress is so amazing. Dear Sean and Jean, thank you again for making me the most beautiful costume ever! It's a lot of fun. Tomorrow night is our closing, and though I am not glad it is going to be over, I am grateful that we have had a good run and can now move on to other things. It's time I think. It has been so good, but I think I'm just ready for South Pacific to start :)

• Speaking of South Pacific, I am super-de-duper stoked about it!!! I cannot wait for my part of this process to get underway. I say "my part" because technically the rehearsals have started already, but because I have been in Tartuffe I haven't been able to be at the rehearsals for South Pacific. Bre is an amazing actor and very reliable, so I know that she will pass along all the information that I need to know, but it still makes me nervous a bit because I am missing rehearsals. I got my rehearsal schedule yesterday and there are 26 more rehearsals until we open... that is not a lot. And some of them I am going to have to miss. GAH! I can do this though, especially with Bre's help. I am so excited :)

• Ok... we all knew this was coming... it can't be one of my random ramblings posts without at least one mention of my weight. Isn't that sick? I have issues... But anyway... I'm still going to talk about it. I was feeling pretty good about my weight loss situation for a second, and then all of the sudden I'm back to feeling fat and jiggly again. I haven't really gained any weight except for a little fluctuation here and there, but nothing serious. I guess I'm just not feeling it. I'm looking in the mirror and comparing myself to others (yet again, another horrible thing I shouldn't do, but it's hard not to) and I don't like what I see. There is some serious conflict in my brain... It stems from this: I feel chubby and when I look in the mirror I see chubby and don't like what I see "comparatively" to others, but people tell me that I look good and I'm not chubby and all that jazz.... So... Which is true.. Cause I am seeing one thing and people are telling me they are seeing another. I guess this means one of two things is happening: I am either crazy and have severe sight issues making it so that I see something different than what is real, or people are just being kind and saying that I look good. I don't want to think that people are lying to me or just being nice... but how is it that I can see something so plain in front of me and people can tell me that that's not how it is? I don't know if that makes any sense, but there it is

• School is hard. I love it, but it is hard and I am tired. I really don't want to do summer classes... but it's in my plan to do so, and I don't think I'll graduate when I want to if I don't.... which sucks. I would rather get a job, spend time with my husband, and have a break so that I don't completely wear myself out and can have a recuperation period between semesters. That's not really an option though I guess so I just gotta suck it up and do it! :)

• I am so blessed. Really, I am. I am looking back on what I have written in this post and I feel ungrateful... I'm so blessed. I have an amazing husband, I am in an amazing show, I'm about to start rehearsals for another show in which I have a dream role, I have great friends, I have the opportunity to go to a university and obtain a degree, I am doing what I love every single day, I have a healthy body that words and does what it is supposed to, and I lead a comfortable life and have a dang good living situation. I really am so blessed and need to be better about recognizing those things instead of the stuff that I feel isn't as positive. Suck it up Linds! There is much to be grateful for :)

Heeeeee :)

Once upon a time I made a list. On this list were shows and the characters in them that I loved and wanted to play before I kicked the bucket. I have been super blessed that I have been able to cross several of my "characters" off of my list. I am again blessed with that opportunity!

I have been cast as "Nellie Forbush" in South Pacific at Centerpointe Legacy Theater, in the MWF Cast!!! I have always wanted to play "Nellie" ever since I first heard "Cockeyed Optimist," and my desire to play her grew when I saw the Lincoln Center production of South Pacific. I am so extremely excited and grateful that I have this opportunity! I am so excited that I get to be counterparts with the amazingly talented and lovely (inside and out) Bre Welch! I am so excited that I get to be in a show with so many of my friends, and that I will have the chance to make new friends! I am excited that I get to be under the amazing direction of Jim Christian again. I am so blessed!!!

I am so grateful for all of the opportunities that I have all around me. I am learning that the more open I am to opportunity the more opportunities present themselves. I made a pact with myself that I would audition for everything that I even had a remote interest in, even if I had conflicts or stuff like that, and it has opened so many doors for me! If I had based my audition for South Pacific off of how many conflicts I had, I probably wouldn't have auditioned, and therefore would not have been able to cross "Nellie" off of my dream list. You never know what will happen! I also love auditions, so it's been fun for me to just get out there and do it no matter what happens.

There are so many things I am grateful for right now! And to continue onward with what I wrote about yesterday I am going to make a list of the things I am grateful for!

I am so extremely grateful for my amazing, handsome, sweet, hard working, hilarious, fun, caring, smart, and so much more, husband :) I LOVE YOU HONEY!

I'm grateful for Great Harvest Berry Oat Bran Muffins.

I'm grateful for my Costume Design class. I love pushing myself and working on something that I don't think I would have worked on otherwise.

I'm grateful for realizing what is really important and working hard to improve my focus on those parts of my life.

I am grateful for Alane Schultz and the constant friend and mentor she has always been to me. I am glad that we can continue to be friends and have the same connection we have always had even if it is difficult for us to get together regularly.

I am so grateful for natures way. I don't really need/want to explain what this means, but just know that I am immensely grateful for something I didn't really think I'd ever be grateful for.

I am grateful for amazing designers who make us actors look really good on stage. What would we do without them?!?! Seriously though, Sean Bishop has designed the most amazing dress for me for Tartuffe, and Jean Louise has done an AMAZING JOB constructing it. Seriously, I look like a big pink and purple cupcake :) In a good way.

I am grateful for learning opportunities.

I am grateful to be surrounded by so many people who are better than me. Not in a "I'm not good enough" kind of way, but in the way that I have people around me who constantly make me want to be a better performer, friend, and person. I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life.

I am grateful for modern medicine.

I am grateful for Hall's Vitamin C Drops.

I am grateful for good literature.

I am grateful for the small things in life that just make it that much better.

I am grateful for things that move me to tears. I am grateful that I can feel that deep of emotions and that I can be affected like that by art and the beautiful things in life.

There is so much more that I could write about, but I really should be doing homework of some kind, so here is where I will end. :)

Feeling Good :)

It's amazing to me how doing just a few simple things in your life can make you feel soooo much better! So amazing how that works. I guess those nutritionists know what they're talking about. Who knew that being healthy would make you happy too!?! Just kidding... But really. Simple things like

Drinking at least 64 ounces of water every day (event though it makes me have to pee every 5 minutes)

Exercising every day

Laughing every day (hard)

Eating frequent, healthy, small meals

Taking vitamins

Avoiding junk food

Getting enough sleep

Stretching

and others, have really made a difference in how I feel about myself every single day. I feel like I am finally making some progress on my weight loss (FINALLY) and I just feel over all better.

Now, along with being a better person on the outside, I want to be a better person on the inside. I have been gathering a list of qualities that I would like to have that I have seen in the people around me, and things that I want to add to my life, and I will probably continue to add to this list, but this is what I have so far:

Morning Prayers

Personal Scripture Study (while continuing Scripture Study with my sweet husband)

Supporting, even more, my husband in all of his endeavors

Taking the opportunity everyday to serve someone around me

NO SWEARING (not even the funny ones) I have been better about this, but I can do even better than I have been.

Keeping a constant prayer in my heart

Making a list of things that I am grateful for every single day

Making sure I tell the important people in my life how much they mean to me, every single day

No negativity coming from me EVER

Doing something special/significant for my husband as frequently as possible

Realizing my abilities and allowing myself to use them for good and feel good about my work.

Now, maybe these things sound stupid, but I feel that they are important. There are many people in my life who display these qualities or do these things every day and I wish to be like them. I wish to have the positive influence on those around me that these people have had on me. If nothing else, I wish to make myself the kind of person that I would want to hang out with.

So here's to working on being a better person on the inside and the outside!

Valentine's Day and Random Ramblings

Yesterday was Valentine's Day! My 2nd ever with a Valentine! Hee :) I have the best husband in the entire world. He got me a huge vase of the most gorgeous pink and white lilies! I think they are stargazer lilies? I'm not sure. They're gorgeous though and are so fragrant! And the best part is? They haven't all bloomed yet so I get to watch them bloom and keep them around for a long time! I'll post some pictures of them later :) He also wrote me an adorable poem. He's such a stinkin cutie. I LOVE HIM.

We went to Outback Stake House which was super fun and cheap (not really, but we had a $50 gift card so we paid barely anything at all!) and delicious :) After we went home and got to bed at a pretty decent hour for once in our lives. It was an awesome Valentine's Day. I'm so grateful for my sweet husband. He is the best valentine anyone could ever ask for.

So now on to the Random Ramblings part of this, which is mostly just going to be a bunch of things that have been/are on my mind:

- What is it going to take for me to feel good about myself? I mean, I've lost 15 pounds, which is fabulous, and means that I am back to where I was when I got married... but I wanted to lose weight before I got married too... so therefore I'm pretty much just back to where I was when I was less chubby, but still chubby. FRUSTRATING. Everyone keep saying "Wow Linds you look sooo skinny! You look good!" and I'm so grateful for that. Extremely grateful. It makes my day better every time someone says something like that. Before I lost weight people kept saying "I don't think you need to lose weight" or "where are you going to lose 15 pounds from?" or "You're about as thin as you can get I think" and I am grateful that people thought I was fine the way I was, but it's interesting to me because no one thought that I needed to lose weight before and now that I have everyone is like "you look great!" I then I tell them thank you and that I want to lose 15 more pounds and people say the exact same thing as they did before (where are you going to lose 15 pounds from? you're already so skinny!...). So I guess I'm just frustrated because people were telling me I was thin 15 pounds ago, and now they're telling me I'm thin again and I still have 15 pounds I want to lose... I dunno how to explain what I'm feeling. I guess I just feel like no one will be honest with me or I see something that is completely and totally different from what they see. How come it is ok for other girls who are already skinny to be skinny, but when I say that I want to lose 15 more pounds and be 120 instead of 135 people tell me that I shouldn't lose weight or that I look fine. I mean.... I may look ok, but I want to feel good about myself. GAHHH.... so much rambling and probably none of it makes any sense. Anyway... I have a goal of 15 more pounds to lose, and I WILL DO IT. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know much about it at all... but I know that is what I want... and I know I can get there eventually.

- I feel sick... and it's like a bunch of different sicks that alternate. A few days ago I had an insane migraine, the day after that I had this weird bruisey feeling all over my torso, shoulders, neck, and jaw, the day after that I felt like I would pass out if I didn't get some sleep, yesterday I felt like my throat was coated with sand paper, today I feel nauseous and bloated.... Yay.

- I miss Xanadu. Seriously. I miss it soooo much. I miss seeing my friends. I miss singing that music. I miss being silly. I miss my comfy cute costume, I miss the glitter, I miss the work out that it was, I miss the high I got from it, I miss the camaraderie of the cast.... I think the only thing I don't miss is doing my hair in a fro every night. I must say, though, that I really loved having a fro. It was super fun. My hair just couldn't handle it any more though. It was falling out in big ol' handfuls! Not good at all. But I am babying my hair now, so hopefully it will not all fall out.

- Speaking of hair, I did something fun with mine :) Nothing big, but a little different. Pictures later.

- I'm auditioning for a lot of stuff in the next month or so! I'm really excited about it. Hopefully something good will come out of it and I'll be able to do another show that I love. I love theater. It is seriously my favorite thing to do, other than be with my husband, and I am so lucky that I get to go to school to perfect my craft.

- I'm wondering what kind of person I am. Not in a dramatic way or anything, I'm just wondering what kind of people are my "kindred spirits." I am wondering what kind of people I would find a best friend in. Does that make any sense? Probably not.

- In a perfect world I would get to spend as much time with my husband as I want and still get everything done that I need to get done. Someday, I hope I find that perfect world. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

- I am amazed at how many talented people I get to surround myself with every single day. I am so lucky to be able to learn from all of them. I am so blessed to have so many amazing examples around me. I hope someday to be half of what the people around me are. If I can do that, I will have achieved much.

- I need to remember that I am allowed to feel good about the things I am doing. I am allowed to believe I can do good things.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!!