We went to Outback Stake House which was super fun and cheap (not really, but we had a $50 gift card so we paid barely anything at all!) and delicious :) After we went home and got to bed at a pretty decent hour for once in our lives. It was an awesome Valentine's Day. I'm so grateful for my sweet husband. He is the best valentine anyone could ever ask for.
So now on to the Random Ramblings part of this, which is mostly just going to be a bunch of things that have been/are on my mind:
- What is it going to take for me to feel good about myself? I mean, I've lost 15 pounds, which is fabulous, and means that I am back to where I was when I got married... but I wanted to lose weight before I got married too... so therefore I'm pretty much just back to where I was when I was less chubby, but still chubby. FRUSTRATING. Everyone keep saying "Wow Linds you look sooo skinny! You look good!" and I'm so grateful for that. Extremely grateful. It makes my day better every time someone says something like that. Before I lost weight people kept saying "I don't think you need to lose weight" or "where are you going to lose 15 pounds from?" or "You're about as thin as you can get I think" and I am grateful that people thought I was fine the way I was, but it's interesting to me because no one thought that I needed to lose weight before and now that I have everyone is like "you look great!" I then I tell them thank you and that I want to lose 15 more pounds and people say the exact same thing as they did before (where are you going to lose 15 pounds from? you're already so skinny!...). So I guess I'm just frustrated because people were telling me I was thin 15 pounds ago, and now they're telling me I'm thin again and I still have 15 pounds I want to lose... I dunno how to explain what I'm feeling. I guess I just feel like no one will be honest with me or I see something that is completely and totally different from what they see. How come it is ok for other girls who are already skinny to be skinny, but when I say that I want to lose 15 more pounds and be 120 instead of 135 people tell me that I shouldn't lose weight or that I look fine. I mean.... I may look ok, but I want to feel good about myself. GAHHH.... so much rambling and probably none of it makes any sense. Anyway... I have a goal of 15 more pounds to lose, and I WILL DO IT. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know much about it at all... but I know that is what I want... and I know I can get there eventually.
- I feel sick... and it's like a bunch of different sicks that alternate. A few days ago I had an insane migraine, the day after that I had this weird bruisey feeling all over my torso, shoulders, neck, and jaw, the day after that I felt like I would pass out if I didn't get some sleep, yesterday I felt like my throat was coated with sand paper, today I feel nauseous and bloated.... Yay.
- I miss Xanadu. Seriously. I miss it soooo much. I miss seeing my friends. I miss singing that music. I miss being silly. I miss my comfy cute costume, I miss the glitter, I miss the work out that it was, I miss the high I got from it, I miss the camaraderie of the cast.... I think the only thing I don't miss is doing my hair in a fro every night. I must say, though, that I really loved having a fro. It was super fun. My hair just couldn't handle it any more though. It was falling out in big ol' handfuls! Not good at all. But I am babying my hair now, so hopefully it will not all fall out.
- Speaking of hair, I did something fun with mine :) Nothing big, but a little different. Pictures later.
- I'm auditioning for a lot of stuff in the next month or so! I'm really excited about it. Hopefully something good will come out of it and I'll be able to do another show that I love. I love theater. It is seriously my favorite thing to do, other than be with my husband, and I am so lucky that I get to go to school to perfect my craft.
- I'm wondering what kind of person I am. Not in a dramatic way or anything, I'm just wondering what kind of people are my "kindred spirits." I am wondering what kind of people I would find a best friend in. Does that make any sense? Probably not.
- In a perfect world I would get to spend as much time with my husband as I want and still get everything done that I need to get done. Someday, I hope I find that perfect world. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
- I am amazed at how many talented people I get to surround myself with every single day. I am so lucky to be able to learn from all of them. I am so blessed to have so many amazing examples around me. I hope someday to be half of what the people around me are. If I can do that, I will have achieved much.
- I need to remember that I am allowed to feel good about the things I am doing. I am allowed to believe I can do good things.
Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!!
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