Ay Me!

As mentioned previously... a while ago or something... auditions for Romeo and Juliet at Weber State University are coming up. They are this coming Monday and Tuesday! Jesse Pepe and I have decided to be scene partners and do the balcony scene (the only scene offered for the audition which involved both Romeo and Juliet) as our selection. I'm SUPER excited about this. Jesse is a fabulous actor and it took quite a bit of convincing for me to get him to want to do it. Ok, not TOO much convincing, but enough, so needless to say I am stoked that he decided to work with me on this. I trust him as an actor and we seem to work well together on stage. Hopefully that and some really hard work will result in a fantastic audition!

As excited as I am, I am also freaking out considerably. I am pretty good at memorizing, but six pages of monologue filled Shakespeare in 5 days is HARD! I am getting there and have been working on it non stop, but i've only got like.... 2 or 3 pages of it memorized. It will be fine though. I've been praying a lot, and the Lord will help me memorize this stuff!

My biggest "ambition" for this audition is just to do the best that I can do. I have felt that for the past few auditions that I have done I have done my absolute best. I was only cast in 1 of the 3 shows that I auditioned for this year, but it doesn't matter because I know I did my best in those auditions. Now, even though I want to be in R&J, what I want most is to do well in this audition. If I do the best I can do and I feel great about my audition I'll know that no matter what happens I gave it my best shot. If I get cast, FABULOUS! If I don't, then I know that I did the best that I could do and that Tracy (the director) was just looking for something other than what I brought to the table. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

So, I took a few minutes to post this, because I needed a tiny break from Juliet's monologues... but now I'm getting back on the horse and I'm going to get 'er done!

Here's the Dealio

Sometimes I let people affect me a little more than I should. I am an emotional (hopefully not overly emotional) person, and I wear my thoughts and feelings on my sleeve. Sometimes this can get me into trouble. Sometimes I need to learn how to control it. Sometimes it's ok to become attached and let people affect you. And sometimes it isn't.

People are going to do what they're going to do. They're going to be what they're going to be. There will always be a few people who will try to hurt me or try to give me crap about certain things, but there will also always be those people who support me and respect me for who I am. Those are the people I want to surround myself with. Those are the people I want to spend my time thinking about. Not those who really have no interest in me other than to bring me down.

So here is my newest goal:

To not worry about those who do not really care about me and focus on those who treat me well and are truly good people. I can't always be so affected by the things people do and say. I must try to avoid that. All I want is to be happy, and for everyone else to find happiness, too. Everyone deserves that. And maybe staying out of their life will help cultivate some happiness for them.

There are a few people in my life who are friends, but not exactly close friends. More than acquaintances, but we don't exactly hang out... you know the kind. Anyway, those people have given me some inspiration lately. They also blog, and their blogs are inspiring. I want to be more like them in the way that they are focusing on the real important things in life and not letting the drama of the world around them affect them in negative ways. I admire these people and want to be more like them.

I have done pretty good throughout my life avoiding drama, but when people directly try to affect me I have a hard time understanding why anyone would want someone to be unhappy. It just doesn't make sense to me. Everyone deserves happiness, no matter your feelings toward them. And no one should strive to take away another's happiness.

Anyway, part of me kind of feels like this post is rambling too and fro.... But I think my point has been made.

I am going to do my best to continue to live my life and not let others affect me!

LOVE TO ALL!!!!

Never ceases to amaze

It never ceases to amaze me how some people just never really graduate from high school. Sure they may wear the cap and gown and do that walkin and all that jazz, but the drama never ends. It's crazy to me because that was one of the things that I was the happiest about when I graduated; leaving the drama behind. I don't know why I was so naive to think that there would be less drama in college. Now that I am here I realize that there is actually MORE drama and it's even crazier cause it involves more serious subjects than before. Also, I have discovered that some people NEVER get over creating drama. I believe some people thrive on it. Which is beyond bizarre to me. There is one person in particular that is causing a lot of drama. I am super proud of the people this person is trying to affect though because they are not allowing it to affect them. You go you!

On another note, I'm excited for Juries. Hope they go well! Whatever happens is supposed to happen. So all I can do is go in there and do the best that I can absolutely do, then leave it in the hands of the professors. And pray... a lot.

Also, Romeo and Juliet auditions at Weber State are coming up! Oh my goodness... I'm pretty excited. And severely conflicted. I want to do it so badly... And I want not to do it so badly. So conflicted. Maybe I'll expand on this later. Maybe.

Simple Joys

Some things in life are so simple and yet they make me so happy! The little things in life are pretty sweet, such as:

- Powerade Zero: my latest addiction. Seriously. I hate regular Powerade, but Powerade Zero is really good! And it has zero calories, so I don't feel guilty at all about drinking as much of it as I can hold!

- Signs of Spring: It is Utah, so there is still snow on the ground, but there are still signs of spring everywhere I look! I was able to do seven hours of yard work the other day and only had to wear a light sweatshirt! I also found a bunch of daffodils, tulips, and a crap load of irises in my yard! I am so excited! I had no idea they were even there! AND while I was uncovering my cute little flowers I found a huge caterpillar (which I loving have named Capatilla, because of the kid from Big Daddy). I am keeping him in a jar until I can show my little sister. She will love it. He has been eating iris leaves and root and is getting bigger every day! He's adorable.

- Fresh fruit and veggies: I love fruit and veggies. The only thing is that they are so expensive these days so it is hard to buy a lot at a time. However, there is a solution! Thanks so a few friends and my sister-in-law I was finally convinced to sign up for Bountiful Baskets, and let me tell you, I am soooo glad that I did! This morning I went and picked up my basket and in it was four tomatoes, two zucchinis, eight sweet potatoes, a bag of carrots, a head of romaine lettuce, a cantaloupe, three grapefruits, four mangoes, twenty clementines, twelve apples, and a bunch of bananas! And guess how much I paid for it all? FIFTEEN BUCKS!!!! Ka-chow! Simple joys baby.

- Fuzzy socks, converse, and sweatshirts: There are days when you just want to be comfy. Most of the days this semester have been those kinds of days for me. I wear my converse every day, and I love them so much. They are by far my favorite shoes in the whole world. I also love my baggy sweatshirt that I am wearing today. It is one my mom gave me and it is super huge and cut up. I love it. Fuzzy socks- self explanatory.

- Waking up next to the man of my dreams every single morning: need I say more? I love him so much. And he is pretty much the best kisser ever. Just sayin.

Strange

Life is so strange sometimes.

I am seriously the happiest I have EVER been, and feel completely horrible all at the same time.

Mostly happiness is what fills my days though, so that is good.

All of the happiness is so wonderful; Brandon is amazing, our life is amazing, our house is amazing, our future is amazing, our love is AMAZING. It all makes me so happy!

And then I look in the mirror... and the horrible sets in. I actually don't even have to look in the mirror. It's just the way I feel sometimes... most of the time... ok, all of the time.

Now, I don't want anyone to think that because of how I feel that I look it is making the rest of my life unenjoyable because that it totally not the case. I am simply struggling with that part of my life and the rest is complete and utter bliss!

My husband is such a sweetheart. He tells me everyday that I am beautiful and that he loves this or that about me. He is such a wonderful man and I believe that he really does see me as he says. I just wish I saw myself the way he does.

Another thing that I must make clear: I do not dislike my body. I am super comfortable with my body type and the curves that I have. What I am not so comfortable with is jiggling when I brush my teeth or when we hit a speed bump in the car, or when I go on a walk and I can feel the friction between my thighs, or when I go to dance and I hit the floor so hard after a leap that it sounds like a baby elephant.

All that I want is for what I have to be toned. I'm not asking for something else. I'm not wanting to look like anyone but who I am. I just don't want who I am to have insulation.

I know what you are all thinking- So exercise if you want it so badly. Ok. I will. I walk everywhere, I do tons of yard work, I dance, and I try to eat pretty healthily. But it's hard to get to the gym everyday when you have things like homework, housework, cooking to do. All you wives out there know exactly what I am talking about. I just don't know why I am continuing to GAIN weight if my eating and exercising habits haven't changed.

It's frustrating. And it makes me feel horrible about myself.

Like I said, though, I have so much in my life that makes me so happy. Brandon is on the top of that list. And he loves me no matter what I look like. I would like to look nice for him, and for me, though.

I guess all I can do is keep trying...

Any suggestions, help, or encouragement is appreciated.

TAGGED!

Jessica tagged me in her blog, so I'm following the "rules!" Also, I'm trying to get myself back into blogging since there is SOOOO MUCH wonderful that has happened in my life that is not documented on my blog. (not going to play catch up, just going to pick it up now lol)

The rules of blog tagging are:
1. You must share 15 interesting facts about yourself
2. You must tag 5 other people


1. If I could afford it, I would wear only vintage (or vintage style) clothing. Actual vintage. Not the grunge vintage that is going around right now. Real vintage. I'm in love with it, and it is the style of clothing that my body was made for. Why not embrace it???

2. I have seriously crazy dreams every single night. I kid you not. Craziest dreams EVER.

3. Playing the piano is one of my passions. I may not be very good at it (at all) but I love it. I love the way playing the piano makes me feel. I love creating such classic beauty in music.

4. Painting is another passion I have. Specifically watercolor painting. I need to get back into it. I plan to do so very soon. It is a goal I have.

5. I have child hands. I have never met a full grown adult that has hands smaller than mine.

6. I was supposed to be a twin. When I was a fetus my twin died and the doctor thought that I died too. My mom and dad didn't believe that I was actually dead (thank goodness) so they didn't let the doctor "abort" me. When I was born there was another placenta and everything, so the conclusion was that I was supposed to be a twin. I am convinced that the other twin was a boy.

7. Ham sandwiches are my all time favorite food. Love them. But the key is that you have to have lots of mustard and put it right on the meat. Costa is my favorite food that you buy from a restaurant though.

8. I am 20 years old, but I look like I am 14. Sometimes I can make myself look a little older, but I never get more than 18. People seriously think I am really little sometimes though. Especially when I wear a hat and braids in my hair. A lady in a department store asked me if I was lost once. I kid you not.

9. I love to sing!

10. I'm supposed to wear glasses or contacts or something but I don't. Too much of a hassle.

11. I love cooking! And I have discovered that I am not to shabby at it, which is good for Brandon! We have yet to eat a burned dinner. But I'm not saying that it's never gonna happen.

12. Shooting is a part of who I am. A part that I am rather fond of. I love hunting, trap shooting, target shooting, competition shooting, range shooting.... I LOVE SHOOTING. The smell of burning gun powder is heaven to me.

13. I have an obsession with converse. Specifically Converse All Stars. Chuck Taylors rock my world. I have 17 pairs of them. Red (two pairs, high top and low top), orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, light blue, aqua, camoflauge, black (with my name on them!!! from my hubby!) silver, white, cream, grey with awesome zippers on the heel, and clear. Believe it.

14. I ride the frontrunner and bus to school and back every day. I love it. If you are a student you definitely need to get your ed pass for the UTA buss and train system. You can ride on anything for free! It's brilliant. It saves us so much money on gas every month. If you are not utilizing it, I would highly suggest that you do!

15. I have had a crush on my husband since the 8th grade. I never thought he would ever look my way. I am the luckiest girl in the world. He is the best husband I could ever ask for! I love him more than anything and am so grateful that I know he feels the same about me! I LOVE YOU BRANDON!!!

Tag 5 people:
1. Shelby Anderson
2. Chris Shenefelt
3. Angela Jefferies

4. Amanda Rumsey

5. Mandie Harris