Ok, so I'm generally not a negative person. I mean, everyone has their moments of negativity, but I generally try to not let it filter out into the world. But sometimes, you just gotta get it out. I just have to get rid of this, express how I am feeling and my frustrations and let them go. So, if you are not wanting to get a blast of "slightly less perky than usual" then I will be in no way offended if you just stop reading right now.
Here it goes:
- I feel fat and I hate it. I just can't seem to make myself go to the gym, even though I need to and I want to. I just hate feeling like this, and even though I have made progress and am still trying and working hard, I feel like it is taking forever (cause it is) and that I'm just back to where I started when I initially wanted to lose weight before I got married (because I am).
- I have an extremely thin counter part in South Pacific with whom I have to share some costumes. I love her so freaking much. She is amazing. But it is a little hard for me to see the costumes on her, and then see them on me... Particularly our pink party dress... Definitely cuter on her... Cause she doesn't have to squeeze herself into it like a sausage.
- Eating healthy is expensive. Gah! All I want is to buy things that God put on this earth for us to eat for a relatively decent price. Make me pay a lot for the processed foods. At least I understand that.
- I constantly have serious bloating and stuff. I have stomach issues and that is the reason why, but there is nothing really that I can do for it. Which sucks.
- If one more person says "Are you pregnant?" or "You're probably pregnant" or "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" I will punch them. I'm not kidding. STOP IT.
- My throat has kind of been hurting. Perfect timing, no? My show opens in a week and my throat is hurting. Yayyy.....
- Sometimes I feel like I am a horrible person. And this post is definitely convincing everyone in the world that I am a great person... right? Ha.
- I feel as if I have absolutely no will power these days. To do anything. School. Homework. Going to the gym. Eating healthy (Food is so powerful.... I love it so much... everything about it... uhhhg. I'm weird).
- My brain is so full of stuff that I don't know which thing I should be focusing on. And it's kind of like I can't make a schedule for it because they are all things that can't really be put to a schedule.... Does that make any sense? Probably not.
- I can not wait for this week to be over. I am just praying that I will pass my German test... I am not built for foreign languages. AT ALL.
- Taxes are due next week.... and of course we decided to put it off till the very last possible minute. I severely dislike some aspects of being a grownup... Seriously. Like, bills? And taxes? Really?
- Also, I need to find a job (I know, join the club). How is it that life costs so much? Living couldn't have been this expensive back in the day... But I guess it was, just in a different way. Or something.
Ok, well... now that I have severely increased the amount of negativity in the world, I will apologize and add some positivity to the world as well.
- I love spring time. The flowers in my yard have started to bud and bloom and it makes me so happy every time I look at them. Our pear and nectarine trees have blossoms on them and they are so beautiful and happy too. I also don't mind the fact that it has been bouncing between gorgeously sunny and warm days and slightly cloudy rainy seattle-esque days. I love both of those kinds of days. Especially when the latter one only comes around every now and then. It makes it more enjoyable.
- I have a great husband. He is the light of my life. Seriously, I have no idea what I would do without him. I just am so glad that he puts up with me.
- I am learning so much at school. About myself, about what I am capable of, about using what I have been given.
- There is a peace that comes with deciding to go for everything you have always wanted. There is something so soothing about not letting yourself give up on your dreams, about believing that they can really happen. And there is something empowering about believing you can do it, no matter what anyone else says. Yes it is going to be hard work, but everything worth having has always taken a lot of hard work.
- I love South Pacific. Seriously. I love it. I love the people, I love the show, I love the music, I love the characters, I love the director, I love the venue, I love my costumes, I LOVE EVERYTHING about it. I just wish that I could present myself (physically) on stage the way I want to. But never mind that! This is positive!
- I have discovered the joy of spinach smoothies. Sounds disgusting I know, but spinach kind of takes the flavor of whatever you blend it up with, so you can't even taste it when it's blended up with some strawberries and greek yogurt! And it's packed with nutrients! I really love them, and am planning to make some more :)
- Sleep is so good. Though I haven't been getting much of it lately, the semester is almost over, and I will be able to SLEEP! YAAAAY!
- I love my sister. She is the best girlfriend I will ever have. She is such a good listener and always knows what to say to make me feel better. That is a skill :) I have never known such a sincerely kind and beautiful person, inside and out. She means so much to me, and if I could make every dream she has come true, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I know she has the talent, will, and strength to get where she wants to go. And when she gets there, I will always be there to back her up. I love her so much.
- I am so blessed. Seriously. There are so many things that I am so extremely grateful for and blessed with. I just need to remember that and continue to live this amazing life I have been given to the fullest.
