Here's the Dealio

Sometimes I let people affect me a little more than I should. I am an emotional (hopefully not overly emotional) person, and I wear my thoughts and feelings on my sleeve. Sometimes this can get me into trouble. Sometimes I need to learn how to control it. Sometimes it's ok to become attached and let people affect you. And sometimes it isn't.

People are going to do what they're going to do. They're going to be what they're going to be. There will always be a few people who will try to hurt me or try to give me crap about certain things, but there will also always be those people who support me and respect me for who I am. Those are the people I want to surround myself with. Those are the people I want to spend my time thinking about. Not those who really have no interest in me other than to bring me down.

So here is my newest goal:

To not worry about those who do not really care about me and focus on those who treat me well and are truly good people. I can't always be so affected by the things people do and say. I must try to avoid that. All I want is to be happy, and for everyone else to find happiness, too. Everyone deserves that. And maybe staying out of their life will help cultivate some happiness for them.

There are a few people in my life who are friends, but not exactly close friends. More than acquaintances, but we don't exactly hang out... you know the kind. Anyway, those people have given me some inspiration lately. They also blog, and their blogs are inspiring. I want to be more like them in the way that they are focusing on the real important things in life and not letting the drama of the world around them affect them in negative ways. I admire these people and want to be more like them.

I have done pretty good throughout my life avoiding drama, but when people directly try to affect me I have a hard time understanding why anyone would want someone to be unhappy. It just doesn't make sense to me. Everyone deserves happiness, no matter your feelings toward them. And no one should strive to take away another's happiness.

Anyway, part of me kind of feels like this post is rambling too and fro.... But I think my point has been made.

I am going to do my best to continue to live my life and not let others affect me!

LOVE TO ALL!!!!

Never ceases to amaze

It never ceases to amaze me how some people just never really graduate from high school. Sure they may wear the cap and gown and do that walkin and all that jazz, but the drama never ends. It's crazy to me because that was one of the things that I was the happiest about when I graduated; leaving the drama behind. I don't know why I was so naive to think that there would be less drama in college. Now that I am here I realize that there is actually MORE drama and it's even crazier cause it involves more serious subjects than before. Also, I have discovered that some people NEVER get over creating drama. I believe some people thrive on it. Which is beyond bizarre to me. There is one person in particular that is causing a lot of drama. I am super proud of the people this person is trying to affect though because they are not allowing it to affect them. You go you!

On another note, I'm excited for Juries. Hope they go well! Whatever happens is supposed to happen. So all I can do is go in there and do the best that I can absolutely do, then leave it in the hands of the professors. And pray... a lot.

Also, Romeo and Juliet auditions at Weber State are coming up! Oh my goodness... I'm pretty excited. And severely conflicted. I want to do it so badly... And I want not to do it so badly. So conflicted. Maybe I'll expand on this later. Maybe.

Simple Joys

Some things in life are so simple and yet they make me so happy! The little things in life are pretty sweet, such as:

- Powerade Zero: my latest addiction. Seriously. I hate regular Powerade, but Powerade Zero is really good! And it has zero calories, so I don't feel guilty at all about drinking as much of it as I can hold!

- Signs of Spring: It is Utah, so there is still snow on the ground, but there are still signs of spring everywhere I look! I was able to do seven hours of yard work the other day and only had to wear a light sweatshirt! I also found a bunch of daffodils, tulips, and a crap load of irises in my yard! I am so excited! I had no idea they were even there! AND while I was uncovering my cute little flowers I found a huge caterpillar (which I loving have named Capatilla, because of the kid from Big Daddy). I am keeping him in a jar until I can show my little sister. She will love it. He has been eating iris leaves and root and is getting bigger every day! He's adorable.

- Fresh fruit and veggies: I love fruit and veggies. The only thing is that they are so expensive these days so it is hard to buy a lot at a time. However, there is a solution! Thanks so a few friends and my sister-in-law I was finally convinced to sign up for Bountiful Baskets, and let me tell you, I am soooo glad that I did! This morning I went and picked up my basket and in it was four tomatoes, two zucchinis, eight sweet potatoes, a bag of carrots, a head of romaine lettuce, a cantaloupe, three grapefruits, four mangoes, twenty clementines, twelve apples, and a bunch of bananas! And guess how much I paid for it all? FIFTEEN BUCKS!!!! Ka-chow! Simple joys baby.

- Fuzzy socks, converse, and sweatshirts: There are days when you just want to be comfy. Most of the days this semester have been those kinds of days for me. I wear my converse every day, and I love them so much. They are by far my favorite shoes in the whole world. I also love my baggy sweatshirt that I am wearing today. It is one my mom gave me and it is super huge and cut up. I love it. Fuzzy socks- self explanatory.

- Waking up next to the man of my dreams every single morning: need I say more? I love him so much. And he is pretty much the best kisser ever. Just sayin.

Strange

Life is so strange sometimes.

I am seriously the happiest I have EVER been, and feel completely horrible all at the same time.

Mostly happiness is what fills my days though, so that is good.

All of the happiness is so wonderful; Brandon is amazing, our life is amazing, our house is amazing, our future is amazing, our love is AMAZING. It all makes me so happy!

And then I look in the mirror... and the horrible sets in. I actually don't even have to look in the mirror. It's just the way I feel sometimes... most of the time... ok, all of the time.

Now, I don't want anyone to think that because of how I feel that I look it is making the rest of my life unenjoyable because that it totally not the case. I am simply struggling with that part of my life and the rest is complete and utter bliss!

My husband is such a sweetheart. He tells me everyday that I am beautiful and that he loves this or that about me. He is such a wonderful man and I believe that he really does see me as he says. I just wish I saw myself the way he does.

Another thing that I must make clear: I do not dislike my body. I am super comfortable with my body type and the curves that I have. What I am not so comfortable with is jiggling when I brush my teeth or when we hit a speed bump in the car, or when I go on a walk and I can feel the friction between my thighs, or when I go to dance and I hit the floor so hard after a leap that it sounds like a baby elephant.

All that I want is for what I have to be toned. I'm not asking for something else. I'm not wanting to look like anyone but who I am. I just don't want who I am to have insulation.

I know what you are all thinking- So exercise if you want it so badly. Ok. I will. I walk everywhere, I do tons of yard work, I dance, and I try to eat pretty healthily. But it's hard to get to the gym everyday when you have things like homework, housework, cooking to do. All you wives out there know exactly what I am talking about. I just don't know why I am continuing to GAIN weight if my eating and exercising habits haven't changed.

It's frustrating. And it makes me feel horrible about myself.

Like I said, though, I have so much in my life that makes me so happy. Brandon is on the top of that list. And he loves me no matter what I look like. I would like to look nice for him, and for me, though.

I guess all I can do is keep trying...

Any suggestions, help, or encouragement is appreciated.

TAGGED!

Jessica tagged me in her blog, so I'm following the "rules!" Also, I'm trying to get myself back into blogging since there is SOOOO MUCH wonderful that has happened in my life that is not documented on my blog. (not going to play catch up, just going to pick it up now lol)

The rules of blog tagging are:
1. You must share 15 interesting facts about yourself
2. You must tag 5 other people


1. If I could afford it, I would wear only vintage (or vintage style) clothing. Actual vintage. Not the grunge vintage that is going around right now. Real vintage. I'm in love with it, and it is the style of clothing that my body was made for. Why not embrace it???

2. I have seriously crazy dreams every single night. I kid you not. Craziest dreams EVER.

3. Playing the piano is one of my passions. I may not be very good at it (at all) but I love it. I love the way playing the piano makes me feel. I love creating such classic beauty in music.

4. Painting is another passion I have. Specifically watercolor painting. I need to get back into it. I plan to do so very soon. It is a goal I have.

5. I have child hands. I have never met a full grown adult that has hands smaller than mine.

6. I was supposed to be a twin. When I was a fetus my twin died and the doctor thought that I died too. My mom and dad didn't believe that I was actually dead (thank goodness) so they didn't let the doctor "abort" me. When I was born there was another placenta and everything, so the conclusion was that I was supposed to be a twin. I am convinced that the other twin was a boy.

7. Ham sandwiches are my all time favorite food. Love them. But the key is that you have to have lots of mustard and put it right on the meat. Costa is my favorite food that you buy from a restaurant though.

8. I am 20 years old, but I look like I am 14. Sometimes I can make myself look a little older, but I never get more than 18. People seriously think I am really little sometimes though. Especially when I wear a hat and braids in my hair. A lady in a department store asked me if I was lost once. I kid you not.

9. I love to sing!

10. I'm supposed to wear glasses or contacts or something but I don't. Too much of a hassle.

11. I love cooking! And I have discovered that I am not to shabby at it, which is good for Brandon! We have yet to eat a burned dinner. But I'm not saying that it's never gonna happen.

12. Shooting is a part of who I am. A part that I am rather fond of. I love hunting, trap shooting, target shooting, competition shooting, range shooting.... I LOVE SHOOTING. The smell of burning gun powder is heaven to me.

13. I have an obsession with converse. Specifically Converse All Stars. Chuck Taylors rock my world. I have 17 pairs of them. Red (two pairs, high top and low top), orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, light blue, aqua, camoflauge, black (with my name on them!!! from my hubby!) silver, white, cream, grey with awesome zippers on the heel, and clear. Believe it.

14. I ride the frontrunner and bus to school and back every day. I love it. If you are a student you definitely need to get your ed pass for the UTA buss and train system. You can ride on anything for free! It's brilliant. It saves us so much money on gas every month. If you are not utilizing it, I would highly suggest that you do!

15. I have had a crush on my husband since the 8th grade. I never thought he would ever look my way. I am the luckiest girl in the world. He is the best husband I could ever ask for! I love him more than anything and am so grateful that I know he feels the same about me! I LOVE YOU BRANDON!!!

Tag 5 people:
1. Shelby Anderson
2. Chris Shenefelt
3. Angela Jefferies

4. Amanda Rumsey

5. Mandie Harris

BIG project!

So, the wedding plans are underway! And pretty much finished to be completely honest! I don't know what all the stress is about planning a wedding... maybe I just got lucky, but it hasn't been that bad for me at all. The hardest parts have been 1) Getting the guest list/invitation list put together, and 2) Finding someone to make a cake. I don't know why, but people seem to think that it is OK to charge a person (a young, poor, college student to be exact) $515 dollars for a cake!!! It's ridiculous. Other than those two things, it's been fairly simple to plan. I'm super excited!

After Brandon and I got engaged we went and talked to my biological father so that Brandon could ask him if he could marry me. He asked my mom before he proposed. My dad was really supportive and happy for us, which made me so happy. He talked to Brandon for a while, then talked to me. After we were done talking we went and sat outside all together. Dad told us that he had something he'd like to "propose" to us. He told us that he still owned the little cabin that I used to live in with him on the weekends when I was little. He said that he used to rent it out to a friend, but he kind of trashed the place, so Dad kicked him out. Dad told us that we could live in the cabin if we took care of it. He'd pay all the expenses for major repairs that needed to be made, and we'd just have to do the labor. He wouldn't charge us rent, we only h

ad to pay the bills. Obviously, we were both stoked about this. The next day we went down and looked at the house and we both felt so good about it and wanted to live there. We prayed about it for a week and we feel it is the right thing for us to do!!! So there it is! Brandon and I have our first house! We're so excited. We've started cleaning it up and it has turned out to be a pretty big project. But that's ok. It's totally worth it.

On August 4th, the day before Brandon's birthday, we had planned to go down to the house and clean. I went down early and cleaned most of the kitchen (and let me tell you, that was a HUGE project!!!!) and set some stuff up for his birthday. Jace and Tanya have an old table that is super cute, but they don't want it and don't use it, so they gave it to us! Jace brought the table down, I had made a cake, wrapped some presents, bought a bottle of Martinelli's sparking cider, balloons, and dishes, and Tanya sent down a picture for us! The first picture in our house! I picked up Brandon from the Layton train station and we went and got burgers at the burger stop by our house. We took them home, and I asked him to open the door because I had "hurt my thumb" (which I really had, but it worked perfectly). He opened the door and stepped in. He was so surprised by the birthday display! The look on his face was so priceless. I love him so much.

We enjoyed our burgers in our new house; our first meal there EVER! Then he opened h

is gifts and we sang happy birthday and ate cake. After, we took the balloons outside and made wishes on them. He's the best man I know. He is so thoughtful, and his first wish proved that. He wished that he would "be the husband his wife deserves." Oh I love that man. After the balloons we popped open our bottle of Martinelli's and made a toast! A toast to our engagement, our house, our love, and our future. It was perfect.

I love Brandon Garside! And I don't care who knows it! 108 Days till we get married!!!!!

A Change In Direction

So, as of Friday, July 23rd, 2010.... I am officially engaged to the love of my life! That is right,

Brandon Garside and Lindsea Billings are getting married!! I am so beyond excited (which is definitely a good thing, cause if I wasn't excited I think there would be definite cause for worry) and could not be happier to spend the rest of my life with Brandon.

Because of this knew development I have decided to kind of change the direction of this blog. I will more than likely still put random stuff up here and there, but the main subject of this blog is now going to be the development of mine and Brandon's life together. I'm pretty stoked about this change and I hope that I will remember to stick with it!

First up, I should probably write about the proposal, which was PERFECT if you must know. The week of the 23rd we were in Nauvoo with Brandon's mother, sisters, and Jace and

Tanya, visiting their grandparents (Grandpa and Grandma Packer, who are the nicest people ever) who are serving a mission there. It was the most amazing trip that I have ever been on. My testimony grew so much and I loved being able to spend every second with my sweetheart. Anyway, back to the story. Thursday night we had gone to see the Nauvoo Pageant, which was amazing, and at the end of the pageant they light up the temple and it is gorgeous! So Friday night Brandon and I decided to go on a walk to have some time for just us. We walked down to the temple and watched it light up, then we went down into a little circle where they have statues of Joseph and Hyrum Smith going to Carthage. We sat down by the statues and I said that we should take our kids to Nauvoo someday (we had been talking about marriage for a while so it wasn't weird) and he said "Well we have to get married first." That hit me as strange because he has never said anything like that before. He kissed me and told me he loved me and then before I knew it he was pulling something out of his pocket and getting on one knee. My heart stopped and I couldn't breathe. He then opened a little box that held the most beautiful ring I have ever seen and asked me to marry him. I of course said yes, through tears and a huge smile. We kissed and laughed and cried together. It was amazing. PERFECT in every way. I have often thought about it over the past week. It gives me butterflies still!

There are other things that have been developing over the past week as well. Wedding planning and preparations are well underway (more on that later) as well as securing a place to live. Things are going well, and we are so happy. I love Brandon more than anything or anyone in the entire world. And the best part is, I know that he feels the same way about me! We know that marriage is no cake walk, but we know that there is no one else that we want to go throughout all the thicks and thins of life with.

I LOVE YOU BRANDON GARSIDE!

I'm in love, I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!